Earlier today, local black man Dante Jacobson was arrested after a citizen, who wished to remain anonymous, dialed 911, reporting a “suspicious African-American” who was “probably doing something illegal, somehow”. Five police cars and a S.W.A.T. van arrived at the scene within seconds, and detained Jacobson, after committing several civil law and human rights violations.
When later asked why he had dialed 911, the anonymous caller responded, “I felt like he was doing something illegal. Like he had stolen something, or killed someone. No, there wasn’t anything he was actually doing to suggest any of that. I just had a very strong feeling. I’m not a racist.”
After searching Jacobson thoroughly, and performing a background check, authorities found no indication of any wrong-doing. They then proceeded to take him to lock-up anyway.
"You can never be too careful," said arresting officer, Mike Sweeney. "Just because he hasn’t committed a crime, doesn’t mean he hasn’t committed a crime."
Jacobson is currently being held under charges of “stealing oxygen from gentrified neighborhoods, and trespassing on public streets.”"
Black Man Arrested For Breathing Air
The Wishwashington Post
I’d intended for the post below to be the final one here, but then this just happened at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service—not exactly a funeral, to be fair, but I’ll just go ahead and take credit for the whole thing. Thank you, world, and good night!